I am so beyond excited to present you with my latest single “Dizzy”, a song that's been whirling around in my head for years. It's gone through a lot of changes and reiterations, but the demo is finally here!
In its current form, this song began in September 2022, but really the piece has its roots in August 2021. Starting as a song of yearning, it had a different guitar melody and was tuned to Open B. Through a few different versions, the subject changed from a hopeful love song into a much sadder piece, as it got clearer that my hope was misplaced.
I couldn’t finish it, and was never happy with the melodies or the words. Then, in April 2022 I changed the tuning to Open D (present day tuning) and transposed some of the melodies that had been sitting around, not really going anywhere. It messed with my head a bit but it gave me something new to play with, without throwing away the time I spent on it.
Anyway, that still didn’t give me anything I was super happy with.
Fast forward a few months and an old friendship rekindled, and just like before the line between friend and lover quickly became murkier. Afraid to experience yet another painful disappointment, I didn’t question until it was too late. And thus, inspiration!
The lyrics walk the listener through the day of this particular disappointment. The waking up, trying to get on with things but being distracted and indulging far too much in this anxious excitement. It brings you through my morning routine, which was undoubtedly enhanced for the occasion. Showering under “warm raindrops” and using “all the things that make me feel beautiful” in an attempt to build my confidence and make myself as desirable as possible, so I wouldn’t be dumped again.
Then the hook, “nothing ever changes around here” is a quite simple summary of the moment(s) when people decided they didn’t want me anymore, that I wasn’t worth any of it. I’ve always had these troubled, one sided, unloving relationships/friendships, but 2021 & 2022 were particularly harsh. It was heartbreak after heartbreak and to an extent, all of them seemed to just combine together in my head and my heart as this huge, gut wrenching loss. I tried so hard to pick myself up every time, but the feelings just kept getting recycled with each new infatuation, and some of it spilled over into 2023.
So, that’s the verse and the hook, but the bridge brings us into more of a reflective space, the aftermath. “I wish I could turn this back, And play it out differently” pretty obviously describing regrets and the way we so desperately want to fix the past to save ourselves, or other people, pain. To be better and worth the time. It eats you up.
I had a habit of fixating on small details, and, being a very emotive songwriter, music speaks to me. I exchanged songs and albums with this guy and one in particular really caught my attention, ‘Dizzy On The Comedown’ by a band called Turnover. I loved the sound it had, the twinkly guitar parts were gorgeous but still mellow in their own right. And the lyrics of songs always stand out to me, but this one talked about love and attraction with such dreamy overview, and then it focuses in on a somewhat profound question that’s exchanged within this relationship, and the whole song really just feels like this all encompassing, tingly love that I was chasing so often. Then the chorus drops, and it feels like the pit in my stomach that I grew so used to. That chorus really inspired what I did with the bridge in this song.
The title “Dizzy” also has its roots in my own health, as around August 2021 I started getting these really random episodes of lightheadedness, the first one came as I was running off stage in an amateur production of Sweeney Todd. As soon as I was out of view from the audience I let myself fall to the floor thinking I was about to faint. Still not sure if I actually did go for a second or not. (Now in 2024 we're looking at an epilepsy diagnosis.)
But, that production was how I met the person I started this song for, originally. And so the “dizzy” theme really represents that, as well as how the person made me feel emotionally, like I was floating, orbiting around them, never grounded. The connection between the Turnover song came later on but ended up fitting quite perfectly.
I round this song off with “nothing ever changes, for me”, because as I was writing this, sitting with my losses, I looked back for the pattern to try and place some blame, and for a long time all I could find was me.
So ultimately, Dizzy is a fairly abstract song about a handful of failed relationships. People stick with you, and looking back at the writing process since 2021 I think it really represents just how hard I was holding on to their memories. I don’t think I was allowing myself to let go enough in order to write this piece how it needed to be written. But this feels like a good place to leave those stories now.
But I can’t leave this post without mentioning the incredible artwork by Richard's Illustrations. All I sent him was the recording, lyrics and my drafted blog post, and he came up with this beautiful piece of art. Absolutely lost for words!
So, Dizzy is available for download here on my site, and will soon be out on all major streaming platforms. Thanks for reading and supporting my music!